Soul Scarred
by Mavelus
Summary: Shounan ai, lime R-B, Based on a true experience: Dreams crushed by his own mother, Ryou slowly falls into deep depression and with a heart problem to boot. Feeling alone and unwanted, he contemplates suicide. Can someone save him? Can he save himself?
1. Intro: False Comfort

Soul Scarred  
By: Mavelus  
  
I'm hurt. I'm shocked. I feel like my whole world has crashed right now, my dreams crushed and my heart aches.. it hurts... so badly... I want to stop myself from crying, but it's too painful... I feel the warm crystals trail my face and stain my pillows wet- this feeling...  
  
Why does it hurt?  
  
Didn't you always tell me that you'd stop me from hurting?  
  
Protect me from tears?  
  
And yet, you are the one that caused it all. I put my hand to my beating heart, and I feel it bleed. Your words, how I remember them so clearly, piercing my very soul with vengeance and hate of a bloodied blade.  
  
Have I caused you such pain?  
  
If so, how? How can I stop myself from hurting you again?  
  
How can I tell you I'm sorry? Will you ever forgive me... Mother?  
  
~~~~~  
  
It hurts when someone who has believed in you for so long has stricken you down with not so much as a second thought.  
  
I couldn't stop the tears, they just came that night. Confining myself to my room was all I could do after all that, huddled onto my bed and holding the pillows close, searching for warmth- anything that'd make the pain go away. I placed my hand over my heart..  
  
It hurts. Right here. It won't stop- it's tearing, slowly and tormenting.  
  
I guess this is what it feels like when the ones you found comfort in crushed your dreams. What you said....  
  
"You'll never amount to anything!"  
  
I mean, who wants an artist in the family?  
  
"Where is it taking you?!"  
  
You're right mother, I'm going nowhere and *fast*.  
  
"How do you expect to make it out there with these silly visions?"  
  
These pillows.... they're warm... Will you be my comfort?  
  
"Stop this bullshit and concentrate on something more fitting to society!"  
  
They've stopped my tears.. these pillows...  
  
"How do you expect to make something out of your life with just a pencil, paper, and an eraser?"  
  
Perhaps.. perhaps they'll stop the voices too... and my pain....  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I'm sorry. This is only the intro, it'll start making sense soon, even though it's probably a bunch of babble to you. Please, review this, and no flames. This means a lot to me and it's a deep personal experience, I found it the best way to write it down as a Ryou-based fic. Perhaps... He'll have a better ending than I ever will...  
  
~Mavelus  
  
PS: I apologize for not updating my other stories, I've just been so busy and I'm trying to keep up with my homework and other crap- oh well, it's not like I'll make it in the world anyway, right?  
  
PSS: Typo in "Wizard's Perception" summary. No way in HELL am I writing an HP/Y shounan ai!!!  
  
PSSS: Sorry "Cover Girl" fans, havta keep you waiting for a bit longer. Maybe I'll update this or next weekend, please be patient, thank you. 


	2. Torn Love

Soul Scarred  
By: Mavelus  
  
Thanks to the people who reviewed and I appreciate your sympathy, for those who gave. And don't worry, I'll keep Ryou strong-willed, maybe he'll make his dream come true- though my manga drawing days are over, perhaps he'll make it out there.  
  
I can't believe you guys want me to update, because I read over it this morning and wanted to burn it. Seriously, take my computer and chuck it in some flames somewhere. Oh well, I was crying when I wrote it anyway, so I'm not shocked that this is grammatically wrong and the spelling is horrible. Heh.  
  
Well, here's chapter 2  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Don't cry," she told me gently, "Please don't, you're stronger than that, don't cry my baby.."  
  
Than she'd hold me in her arms, wipe the tears from my face, than kiss me. Tell me how much she loved me and that daddy wouldn't want to see me like this- to be strong, be strong just like daddy..  
  
But now.. Now all I wanted to do was cry, lye here and shelter myself from the world she expects me to be strong in. I felt weak..  
  
"Stop *crying*, it's pathetic!" she'd snap. "And stop drawing when I'm talking to you, damnit!"  
  
Than she'd snatch my paper and tear what I worked so hard on to pieces.. than leave the room, leaving me alone, feeling cold and shaky.  
  
I tried to hold the pillows closer to me and I'd do what my mother hated most- I'd cry. I can't help it, it's so hard not to that I just can't stop.  
  
It hurt when she tore that- it seems she scarred my very essence when she destroyed what I worked so hard to complete. I could do nothing, just watch as it was torn in shreds, strand by strand. And with the shreds, she tore my bit of soul I poured into that one picture.  
  
I must sound so silly, going on and on about a picture that could be redrawn. Redrawn, yes, reborn, no. The original is what bares the artist's true love and meaning- it can never be recaptured again. Copied, but never recaptured.  
  
True love.  
  
That's what was on that paper, a love I couldn't explain, except it for being *true*. From the tip of my pencil to the lines and shades, I drew *true love*. At least, that's what I thought.. no- hoped, would be love. Prayed it would be love.  
  
I hug the pillows closer- all I want *is* love.  
  
Mother, what happened to our love? When you held me at night when the darkness scared me, when storms broke and the lightning flashed, when I had nightmares of demons and monsters-?  
  
I sit up on my bed and don't bother brushing the bangs from my eyes, hearing your footsteps on the stairs. My heart is aching again....  
  
Slowly, I hear you, you're hesitant at my door.  
  
I know you won't open it. If you do it won't be to hold me, assure me that I'm loved, to tell me goodnight- it'd be to see if I'm asleep because of school tomorrow. I might as well not disappoint you a second time tonight.  
  
I lye back into my bed, holding the pillows close, my comforter wrapped around me tightly- just how I liked it. It reminded me of warm embraces, embraces I used to know...  
  
You open my door and my eyes are closed, I feign sleep. You are hesitant to come inside fully, but just to peek. I breathe slowly and you are satisfied, closing my door with a soft click.  
  
My eyes stay shut though I feel restless, maybe pretending to sleep would fool tiredness into taking me.  
  
~~~~  
  
And that's chapter 2. It makes me feel a little better to get this all off of my chest, and Ryou being able to voice them through a fanfic. Heh, my own little therapeutic exercise, anyway, to answer a few questions: Bakura will be showing up soon. Not yet, but soon. Perhaps in couple chapters, maybe on three, four or five, maybe six.  
  
That should be all, please R/R, no flames. Shounan ai will pop up soon.  
  
~Mavelus 


	3. Piercing Eyes

Soul Scarred  
By: Mavelus  
  
Yes, again, I am updating. I guess for this, I don't mind not having less than five reviews. But my therapist tells me the more I am praised my self- esteem would boost. Heh. Must be the after affects of actually contemplating suicide.  
  
Thanks to all, again, for reviewing. Beginning chapter three  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Ryou? Hey, Ryou!" a tap on my shoulder and I lifted my head from my desk. Macy, a girl clad the pink and blue uniform if Domino High stared at me with bright worried green eyes.  
  
"You okay?" she'd ask.  
  
"Huh-?" I'd say tiredly, "I'm fine. Just sleepy, is all."  
  
"Sleepy? That's your excuse *all* the time." she'd roll her eyes. It was the same conversation every morning, my excuse always the same and her never getting a real answer. Than she'd ramble on things I'm semi- interested in, perhaps not at all, but I'd listen to amuse her.  
  
"- and Jessica's going to ask Mitch out! Y'know, pimple-head?" on and on.  
  
It was hard to listen this morning, my thoughts always trailing to last night. I guess this was one of my biggest conflicts between Mother and I; it never used to be this bad before. I mean, we've had our severe arguments, and I was usually able to sleep on it. But today-  
  
I put my head down again, using my arms as a sort of cushion. I felt sick, my chest hurt again. The same way it hurt last night.  
  
"-let's not forget about that fight yesterday between those two bullies! Oooohhhhhhhh, that was a bloody one! Hey, did you hear? New kid today, he's in our room. Wonder where he's from? Someone said he's a nasty piece of work- hey! Are you listening to me?!"  
  
This is painful... why didn't it go away like it usually did?  
  
"Ryou!" Macy snapped.  
  
I shot up again, wincing as I did so.  
  
"Something is wrong, isn't there?" Her tone softened. "What happened? Are you sick?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong." I lied. She knew it and she glared at me. "I promise," I reassured. "I'm fine."  
  
She frowned but nodded. Knowing her, she'll keep pressing the subject until I tell her. She can try, but I'm keeping my secret this time.  
  
"But were you listening?" Macy said.  
  
"To what?" I blinked at her.  
  
She sighed, exasperated. "I SAID we're getting a new guy."  
  
"Oh." I put my head back down. Macy blinked at me.  
  
"Uh, hello?" she kneeled by my desk and looked at me.  
  
"Hm?" I really was tired and quickly getting irritated with her.  
  
"I DID say new guy, y'know." She turned her head to the side as though expecting something.  
  
"I heard you," I buried my face in my arms, sighing heavily. I could see her pout through the gap in my arms.  
  
"Hello? Aren't you going to ask me to take out my camera and take a snapshot?"  
  
"What for?" Now Macy was the one who was getting annoyed.  
  
"C'mon, you always ask for snapshots!" she exclaimed. "'Cause knowing you, you'd want to make a portrait and those adorable chibi cartoons." She grinned. "I mean, you always make a cartoon with the new guys, even me, remember? Last year, when you did that cartoon of me trying out for the cheerleading squad? It was adorable! You made me so *cute*!"  
  
I was silent, I couldn't and didn't want to say anything. It was true, though, I did make cartoons of all my classmates- even the new ones. Now, that just didn't seem as appealing or as important to me as it used to. Just saying that makes my heart ache worse.  
  
Macy was frowning at me again, "What? You don't want to *draw*?"  
  
"Not now, Macy." I shut my eyes.  
  
"Are you *stoned* or something?!" She exclaimed again. "You *love* drawing! Even when you're sleepy-"  
  
"Please," I cut her off. "Leave me alone. I'm really tired, Macy.."  
  
She was about to protest, but the bell rang. I usually dread that bell, hoping the minutes would go by slower so I wouldn't have to go to class. But today, it couldn't have made me happier.  
  
I kept my head down as the teacher walked in, another trail of footsteps behind him. That must've been the new guy, I suppose.  
  
"Good morning, class." Mr. Takamuri said cheerfully. He got a less of an enthusiastic response, but it never seemed to bother him. Morning was always like this. But it was odd, but I could sort of *feel* their attention on someone else in the front of the room.  
  
"I suppose you all heard," Takamuri continued, "we have new student transferring from a school on the other side of the city. Everyone, this is Bakura. Please make him feel welcomed here."  
  
Bakura. An odd name, at least, one I've never heard before.  
  
I looked up from my arms and was a little surprised, he looked like me! Except his features were sharper and more intense, and was a lot taller. His hair was messier than mine and his eyes were narrow, piercing and a deep brown... almost red...  
  
His posture was bored, weight on one leg and shoulders slouched, and hands in his pockets. Jacket uniform unbuttoned and shirt un-tucked, he seemed to be scanning the room with those eyes, landing on everyone once before looking at me. His bored expression changed immediately into scowl.  
  
My eyes widened as a sharp pain shot through my chest. I had trouble suppressing a groan. I saw Macy look at me with that same worried expression. "I'm fine," I mouthed to her and she nodded, but kept her gaze on me. I shook my head and looked back to the new kid. He didn't look at me again.  
  
"Do you want to tell us about yourself?" I heard Takamuri ask.  
  
Bakura shook his head.  
  
"Oh, alright. Take your seat, there's an empty desk in front of Ryou- the one with the white hair, you can't miss him."  
  
Saying nothing, he did what he was told. He still didn't even glance at me again, instead he just sat himself down and Takamuri began his lecture.  
  
I put my head back down- the pain had dimmed a moment ago, but with each breath my chest felt as though it would split.  
  
Macy still looked worried, but I pretended not to notice.  
  
Maybe it's nothing- I'm just tired and stressed.  
  
I just need sleep. That's all. Just sleep.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Macy's a friend of mine, if you're wondering. Yep, she's a real person, except her name isn't Macy. I'm not gonna put in her real name for privacy reasons. Heh. She helped me through the whole mess when this happened to me, and still helping me, mind.  
  
So, how's chapter 3? Good, bad? Oh well.  
  
Please review, no flames.  
  
~Mavelus 


End file.
